Rob Price
Gutbrain Records
rob + gutbrain.com = email

2019 April 24 • Wednesday

There aren’t that many episodes of Toast of London and I’ve watched them all at least twice.

There is, however, a book: Toast on Toast: Cautionary tales and candid advice.

It’s written by Matt Berry and Arthur Mathews, who wrote the scripts for the television program, so that’s one crucial element secured.

The only way to read it is with the voice of Matt Berry in your head, reading it out loud in character as Steven Toast.

There is an audio book option, with Mr. Berry doing this work for you, and that is certainly tempting, although I wonder if it could transmit some of the book-specific delights herein, such as the numerous footnotes and the very amusing index (practically useless as an index but one of the funniest parts of the book: “Zeus (God of sky and thunder and the ruler of the Olympians), 78, 79” is immediately followed by “Zeus, Kevin, 8”).

One of my favorite footnotes is for “In the early 1990s”, which leads your eye to the bottom of the page to read “1990, 1991, 1992 and 1993”. The list of acting credits that precedes the main text is also quite funny.

Also inside are handsomely reproduced posters for the many theatrical performances that featured Mr. Toast, along with fellow thespians such as Heathcote Permission, Wanda Fack, Elvis Pakistani, Trevor Clever and of course Ray bloody Purchase.

Many chapters end with a list of tips (“Sadly, the dumbing down of TV is now a fact. If you really want a job in television, you’ll have to slum it with everybody else in the shark pool. So, rule number one is: leave your self-respect at the door!”) and there appendices of critical reviews and Toast’s responses to them (“What a bitter and grossly unfair review”) as well as excerpt’s from Toast’s diary.

It’s a quick and very enjoyable read, careening from one ridiculous situation to another as Toast shares the dizzying lows and lowers of his implausible career.

The first line is “In 1986, I received an invitation to take part in a BBC production called It’s a Right Royal Knockout”.